Koi wa Futago de Warikirenai Volume 1 Prologue 2: Shirasaki Jun's Monologue

 

Volume 1 Prologue 2: Shirasaki Jun's Monologue


 

I’m going to be as honest and candid as I can about my relationship with the twins, which I believe is quite unique. I met the twin sisters who lived next door to me when I was in the first grade of elementary school.

 

I met the twin sisters who lived next door when I was in the first grade of elementary school.

 

My parents bought a house, so we moved.

 

Then, by chance, there were twin sisters living next door, who were the same age as me.

 

That’s all there is to it. Even if we bring up things like probability theory or fatalism, it doesn’t mean much. All that remains is the observed facts.

 

No matter how cool I try to sound, I wasn’t happy at the time. I was pretending to be cool and deceiving myself into thinking it wasn’t so bad.

 

How lucky is it to have cute twin sisters living next door to you.

 

The twins, Rumi and Naori, were known for being cute in the neighborhood. They were just adorable when they were young. People around them often said, “Maybe you’ll be an idol or an actress in the future.”

 

Those two girls became attached to me. I had never been so happy. I was even proud.

 

Being friendly with girls is okay in the early grades of elementary school, but gradually you become the target of ridicule. So boys start to feel reluctant to talk to girls.

 

Still, the two of them always talked to me, so I was able to converse naturally.

 

Nowadays, Rumi has short hair and is slender, while Naori has her hair in two ponytails and a feminine figure…well, I won’t go into too much detail, but anyway, the two of them look clearly different now, but back then they were really like spitting images.

 

I think it was around the upper grades of elementary school that the differences between the two of them began to become clear.

 

I remember being surprised when Rumi suddenly cut her hair short. I was young and thought irrelevant things like “Did she get her heart broken?” I was young enough to believe that girls cut their hair because were heartbroken. I don’t remember ever asking her the deeper reason why she cut her hair.

 

Because at that time, my mind was full of thoughts about Naori.

 

I think I was in love with Naori from that time on.

 

Jinguji Naori was by far the most quick-witted girl I had ever met. I had always loved books, and I was good at studying too, and I prided myself on knowing a lot of things.

 

But Naori easily surpassed me in all of those areas.

 

I realized this sometime after we met.

 

That day, I was proudly talking about the knowledge I had gained from books. We were talking about evolution and things like that.

 

Naori who had been saying “You sure know your stuff” with Rumi, whispered in my ear as we parted—

 

“The idea that dinosaurs survived by evolving into birds is a bit off, I think. Among the creatures we call dinosaurs, there were already types that later became birds. Those types survived, branched off, and are now what we call birds. It’s a matter of natural selection. In other words, you could say the dinosaurs went extinct, while the ones that survived became birds. So, saying they survived because they evolved into birds feels a bit inaccurate to me. Evolution doesn’t mean an organism suddenly changes shape one day-it’s the gradual changes in a population over generations. When an individual’s form changes, that’s called metamorphosis. Also, about the idea that the Tyrannosaurus had feathers and was fluffy-I’m not so sure about that either. Large-bodied animals aren’t usually fluffy, right? Elephants and rhinos aren’t fluffy. When animals are big, it’s hard to regulate their body temperature. Reptiles can’t sweat, so I think it would be even harder for them.”

 

She said all of this in rapid succession.

 

What the hell is with this girl? I was grateful that she didn’t say such things in front of Rumi, but deep down, I was really annoyed by this cheeky girl.

 

Naori scored even higher than me on tests. She never missed a point. She always got perfect scores.

 

 Book knowledge, trivia, studying, I was inferior to Naori in everything.

 

I refused to lose to Naori, so I read a lot of books. I worked hard at studying too. She never looked down on me, but I was burning with a sense of rivalry on my own.

 

Ever since that dinosaur discussion, Naori had become someone I needed to defeat.

 

Of course, I wanted to beat Naori. But more than that, I wanted her to acknowledge me. I wanted to show her how amazing I was.

 

I don’t think Naori cared about that in the slightest. That’s just the kind of person she is.

 

One day, I asked Naori what type of person she likes. Well, to be precise, I didn’t ask her directly, it was just a topic that came up when a group of us were gathered in the classroom after school.

 

She said, “Someone more talented than me.”

 

Hearing that, I thought ‘that’s it-I just need to surpass Naori. To make her frustrated, I just had to keep winning. That way, I could make her acknowledge my existence.

 

It wasn’t so much about becoming her ideal type; for me, it felt more like a form of harassment.

 

Back then, thanks to my studying, I was able to put up a good fight against Naori. However, she was one step ahead. In that sense, it would be more accurate to say that I occasionally managed to win.

 

Getting Naori to see me as her ideal type would feel incredibly satisfying. But I have no intention of pursuing that. Could there be anything more exhilarating?

 

I just need to completely defeat Naori. That’s what it comes down to. Right, there’s still a chance

 

I understand now. This is my first love.

 

I wasn’t mature enough to admit it back then.

 

It’s not that I particularly like Naori. I just want to beat her. I just want to make her feel frustrated.

 

The more I put on a brave front, the more I pretended not to care, the more I found myself thinking about Naori. When passing by her classroom, I would casually glance inside. During grade meetings, I would unconsciously look for her. And yet, for some reason, I found it difficult to visit the Jinguji household

 

One day, a male friend asked me, “Shirasaki, is there a girl you’re interested in?”

 

Interested? What does that mean? If I take ‘interested’ literally, it would be Naori. But in this case, ‘interested’ implies romantic feelings. So, that’s not it.

 

To that question I answered, “no.”

 

Really? Naori doesn’t mean that to me…right? Yeah, that’s right.

 

Hmmm? Then, in what way am I interested in her?

 

Could it be that I’m interested in Naori in that way…?

 

It happened during the summer of my sixth grade.

 

And so, I finally observed the phenomenon known as first love.

 

However, the first love I observed, hindered by my own immaturity that refused to acknowledge it and Naori’s habit of speaking about things with a detached attitude, could do nothing but slowly and quietly lose its luster to the point that I didn’t even notice.

 

However, the academic ability I had acquired from my rivalry with Naori proved to be extremely effective when I took the entrance exam for a well-known private university-affiliated junior and senior high school. I passed with the highest score, and have continued to hold the top spot in my grade up until now, as a first-year high school student.

 

This was just stubbornness. A stubborn desire to be better than Naori. I had no way of confessing my feelings to her, so this was the only way I could make myself known to her. I feel so pathetic, but thanks to my grades, I was now highly regarded by everyone in my grade except Naori. I also had more people I could call friends.

 

Naori herself never beat me, and was always hovering around the top five. She never competed for first place. Her highest ranking was third place. With a brain as smart as hers, it would probably be possible for her to surpass my grades (although that would be a problem in itself), so before the final exam of our second year of middle school, I asked her, “Aren’t you aiming to be number one in your grade, Naori?”

 

I think Naori’s answer to this question sums up her character.

 

“Well, it’s not that I don’t aim for it, but I have a rule for myself right now. You see, I never review my work. It’s been that way since the entrance exams. I want to put my pen down earlier than anyone else and sleep until the exam is over. Wouldn’t it be cool if I can get first place that way? And if I can get third place at best, well, that’s fine. It’s a bit frustrating, though. But, compared to kids who give up halfway through, I finish way faster. Isn’t that amazing? If it were a buzzer quiz, I’d be number one.”

 

She answered my question nonchalantly. This is my first love, Jinguji Naori.

 

--Seriously?

 

I blurted that out loud without thinking. I had never even thought of such a thing. Only interested in finishing faster than anyone else? And that’s why you got that score? That ranking? There’s no way I could pull off something like that.

 

“If I spent a little more time… or rather, if I reviewed my answers, I think I could have gotten first place. I also could have read the questions properly, etc. But, a competition where you already know the outcome is boring. It’s not like I’m trying to declare war or anything-oh wait, there’s no public to declare it to, so declaration isn’t the word—but that’s not what I’m trying to say. What I mean is, even if you’re the top of the grade, you shouldn’t let your guard down. Oh, did you think you had beaten me?

 

……What the hell was that? Does that mean I’ve been dancing in the palm of her hand this whole time?

 

The only one who could maintain a top-five position in the grade with such a method is undoubtedly Naori. If she ever stopped her time-attack approach, it’s as clear as day that she would easily seize the top spot.

 

“Well, I guess it means there’s no one in this grade more talented than me. Am I being a bit too arrogant?”

 

What I believed in has crumbled. This is defeat.

 

To put it bluntly, that day, I lost my confidence.

 

I thought I was better, I thought I had finally gained enough skill to impress Naori, but she had already started a completely different battle on her own.

 

What that means is that I never became ‘someone more talented than me’.

 

I couldn’t confess. There was no way I could express my feelings.

 

Admitting defeat was the same as losing the right to express my feelings to Naori.

 

And so, my first love became nothing more than a tiny spark, smoldering deep within my heart.

 

I never see the flames. I only realize there’s a fire because of the smoke.

 

 

 

Yet, since this Gold Week, I’ve been dating Naori.

 

Even though I was dating Rumi until just a month ago.

 

 

 

Stating this fact alone would probably make me seem like an incredibly insincere and untrustworthy guy. And in some ways, that’s true, so I reluctantly have to admit it. However, I’d at least like to exercise my right to explain how things ended up this way.

 

During spring break before starting my third year of middle school, Rumi asked me, “Want to try going out?”

 

That was shortly after I heard Naori talk about the test. It was around the time I realized I couldn’t beat her.

 

It was when I was experiencing a sense of defeat in my own way, realizing how naïve it was to think I could ever beat Naori.

 

In other words, it was a time when I was trying to look away from my first love without ever confessing it.

 

It wasn’t the first time a girl had confessed to me. I recognized the way she fidgeted while staring at her hands. So when I saw Rumi sitting silently on the bench in our usual park, I had a feeling-maybe. But ever since we started middle school, I had felt some distance between us, so I also thought, now way. I didn’t want to say something careless and be teased for being conceited, so I waited for her to speak.

 

When Rumi asked me, “Want to try going out with me?” I was caught between the thought of, ‘So it really was that kind of talk’, and the surprise of, ‘Wait, does this mean Rumi is confessing to me?' It was such a mix of emotions that I couldn’t immediately process it. So, I decided to first probe her intentions with, “Why are you bring this up all of a sudden?” If I had answered seriously only for her to reply, “What? Did you actually take me seriously?” It would’ve been unbearable. She’d probably tease me about it for a while. Honestly, it didn’t feel like that kind of joke, but there was always the chance of a misunderstanding. I couldn’t risk saying something irreversible without observing the situation first.

 

And then she said things like, “How about just trying it out?” or “Jun, I’m a good fit for you, right?” which made it even harder to tell if her confession was serious.

 

When I tried to figure out her true intentions and looked into Rumi’s eyes, they were incredibly serious. She had the same look she had before a club match. However, what was slightly different this time was the hint of fear in her gaze.

 

I finally understood that Rumi was serious.

 

“Rumi, do you really want to go out with me?”

 

Just to be sure, I asked for her true intentions. I could sense that Rumi wasn’t joking, but I wanted a clear answer. Even if I were mocked for being cowardly, I wanted to make sure of that.

 

After a brief pause, Rumi blushed and replied, “Yeah.”

 

From that day on, we became lovers.

 

When I started dating Rumi, I decided to leave my lingering first love in the past. That’s what I resolved to do.

 

My first love was Naori, the twin sister, but it’s not like I tried to project Naori onto Rumi. Rumi and I had also grown up together since we were kids, and I liked her as a person. So, while I felt a bit shy about dating her, I had no resistance to it. For me, someone who had given up on Naori-knowing I could never become the kind of man worthy of her-Rumi had indirectly told me she liked me.

 

Looking back now, for someone like me who was tormented by a sense of defeat, it might have been a form of salvation. It felt like all my efforts up until then had been rewarded, and somehow, my heart felt lighter.

 

No matter what I say, the simple fact that I had a girlfriend made me happy. I was so overjoyed that I couldn’t contain it-I rolled around on my bed, fighting against the grin that threatened to spread across my face. I know it sounds ridiculous but… I was a middle schooler, so I hope you’ll chalk it up to that.

 

 And so, after we started dating, we took full advantage of the benefits of being at an integrated middle and high school. Instead of being consumed by studying during the critical period of our third year of middle school, we spend our time together, just the two of us. We indulged in modest secrets and trivial adventures, the kind typical of middle schoolers.

 

As the seasons passed, I found myself falling in love with Rumi.

 

Unlike me, who tends to overthink everything, Rumi had always been positive and action-oriented since we were kids. For instance, whenever I sought her advice - whether it was about a slump in club activities or interpersonal relationships - she would encourage me by saying things like, “There’s no point in overthinking it, so just take action first”, or “Don’t sweat the small stuff”; just do what feels right to you.

 

I can’t even count how many times that helped – how many times it saved me.

 

Rumi was always cheerful, though she did have a bit of a short temper, but I genuinely enjoyed being with her. Not just as a childhood friend, but as my girlfriend, I cherished her deeply.

 

That’s why, in my own way, I wanted to do things the way Rumi wanted.

 

When Rumi said, “I want to enjoy the gap, so wear contacts normally”, I started wearing contact lenses when I went out. I also began paying more attention to my clothing.”

 

As I gradually started to change like that, Naori teased me, saying things like, “Is that your girlfriend’s taste? Or are you just doing whatever she tells you? Is it easier to let her take the lead?” But given that it was an age when everyone, including those around us, was starting to explore things like romance – basically adolescence – no one really pried into it much.

 

That was only natural. While I had told close friends about my relationship with Rumi, I never went out of my way to broadcast it. Since we were in different classes while we were dating, our relationship never became widely known.

 

To begin with, I didn’t even tell my mother, let alone broadcast it to others. Honestly, I feel like she might have sensed it, but I never said it outright. It was simply because I was too embarrassed to talk about it.

 

When I wondered what Rumi had done and asked her, she said, “I haven’t said anything either. I mean, there’s no need to, right?”

 

That said, I was still a middle schooler. Aside from parents, I did have the desire to brag about having a girlfriend.

 

I felt a bit uneasy about keeping it a secret, so I once suggested that maybe we should be more open about our relationship at school. However, Rumi replied, “Isn’t it more fun to keep it hidden and sneaky?” and I responded with something like, “Yeah, you’re right”, not entirely against the idea. In truth sneaking around to meet in secret, away from everyone’s eyes, felt like a kind of thrill for me, someone who enjoyed mystery and spy novels.

 

Without thinking, I took those words at face value – I was that swept up in the excitement.

 

I came to understand why Rumi didn’t tell anyone about our relationship during the spring break before we advanced to high school. It was right around the time we were about to celebrate one year of dating.

 

I was suddenly told by Rumi that she wanted to break up.

 

Just like when she confessed to me, I was called out by Rumi on a night during spring break.

 

Rumi, her unusual expression neither crying nor smiling, said, “Let’s end this today.”

 

Of course, there was no way I could accept something like that, so I questioned her repeatedly. I clung to Rumi desperately, almost pathetically. We had fights and made mistakes. The more I thought back on it, the more possible causes came to mind. I kept asking Rumi what the reason was.

 

But Rumi just quietly shook her head and said, “You must be surprised, hearing this out of the blue. But for me, it’s not sudden. I had already decided that it was time to end things. So no matter what you say, it doesn’t matter. But don’t worry – it’s not because I’ve come to hate you, Jun. If anything, it’s probably more about me. I’m sorry for being selfish. But I had a lot of fun being with you. Thank you for everything.” And for the first time, she looked a little sad.

 

While looking at Rumi’s face, I desperately thought about what I should say.

 

I couldn’t imagine breaking up. I couldn’t let her go anymore.

 

Because Rumi was my first and most precious girlfriend.

 

Because I loved Rumi so much, I couldn’t stand it.

 

The words Rumi said to me as I stayed silent still bind me to this day.

 

 

“I have one last request. As your girlfriend, this is my final request: please go out with Naori. Start dating Naori right away. I’m not the one for you, Jun. And it’s the same for Naori. It has to be Jun…..

 

 

And then, Rumi bowed deeply and, in words uncharacteristic of her, said, “Please.”

 

Those weren’t parting words; they were a curse placed upon me.

 

I’m a pathetic man who can’t resist that curse.

 

And so, I’m now dating the girl from my first love.



Translators Note

Only one more prologue left. The third one is pretty short. After the third one, the chapters will be divided into parts because they are loooong. - Kingant44


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