Koi wa Futago de Warikirenai Volume 1 Prologue 1: Jinguji Rumi’s Monologue

 

Volume 1 Prologue 1: Jinguji Rumi’s Monologue

 

I’ve lived a life full of mistakes.

 

My biggest mistake was confessing to Jun and then starting a relationship with him.

 

Shirasaki Jun is my childhood friend.

 

When I was in elementary school, a house was built on the vacant lot next to the house where I used to play with my younger sister Naori. Our playground was gone, and instead, Jun’s house was built.

 

When I first met Jun, I fell in love. It was love at first sight. I was so nervous that I bluntly said hello to him, but in my heart, I was pumping my fist in excitement. I thought that this would be totally acceptable even if the playground disappeared.

 

Jun was good-looking. He was exactly my type. He had long, narrow eyes, but didn’t look mean, a straight nose, and a slightly cheeky air about him, and I was smitten with him.

 

His personality is as calm as his appearance, and even if something happens, he’ll just say “What’s wrong?” in a relaxed voice. Looking back, I think he was just trying to act cool, but as a child I thought he was “cool and mature”. It’s only natural, since I thought everything he did was cool. I think every girl’s first love is like that. You get excited when he pushes his hair back, you’re mesmerized by the sweat running down his cheeks and the veins in his neck, when the teacher points out something, he answers with ease, you can see his white collarbone when he bends over, you get excited when he looks out the window with a sad face, you know…there are all kinds of things. Yeah

 

I was rather an active type, so it was my first time interacting with a boy like Jun.

 

When I think back to my childhood, Jun always had a book by his side. Jun was in any case, an avid reader. I feel like he would read a book even during the short break time. Of course, we weren’t in the same class for six years, so I don’t know if it was always like that, but that’s the image had. Incidentally, this hobby of Jun’s would later lead to me suffering, but I’ll leave that aside for now.

 

And so, Jun was very knowledgeable and taught my sister and I all sorts of things. Like why the sky looks blue, how airplanes fly, why twins are born…

 

But you know…

 

I think it’s a bit odd to talk about eggs and sperm to an elementary school girl without any embarrassment. Looking back now, I think I probably thought that being able to say such things was what it meant to be an adult. When I was young, I was just naïve, and my eyes sparkled with excitement at how amazing Jun was because he knew everything. I was such an idiot.

 

“Twins”

 

That’s me and Naori.

 

I have a younger sister named Naori. When we were children, we looked so similar that we were suspected to be identical twins. We had the same hairstyle and wore clothes with the same colors, so we were often mistaken for each other. It was so funny we would purposely tease the adults and play around.

 

But I couldn’t fool my parents and Jun

 

We’re not identical twins, so we don’t look the same in any way. Our faces are similar of course, but not so similar that we can’t tell them apart. I wonder if people will notice that. Now that we’re high school students, our hairstyles and bodies are different, so we can’t switch places and play around anymore.

 

I don’t think I’d want to switch though.

 

Just like our appearances, we’re not similar in personality either. Even as children, we were clearly different. While I enjoyed sports and events with the boys, Naori always looked annoyed and was the type to complain. She was a die-hard cynic.

 

And… she was even more of a bookworm than Jun. Naori didn’t just love reading. She loved movies, anime, and all that sort of stuff. This was definitely the influence of our father. On top of that, she was also quick-witted. I think you can guess what I’m trying to say now.

 

Jun got along better with Naori than I did.

 

Moreover, Jun, who hates to lose, worked hard to beat Naori not only in knowledge of books and movies, but also in studies. It’s not that he couldn’t study – in fact, Jun could study better than I could. But he didn’t come close to Naori. I stared at Naori who was holding up her perfect test score with a big smile on her face, while I had a look of genuine regret on mine.

 

And then, at some point, the number of times we played together decreased. When I asked him why, he tried to avoid it, but I soon found out the reason. Jun got a perfect score on the next test. He was studying.

 

After those elementary school days, Jun is definitely better than me now. After all, he’s been ranked number one in his grade ever since middle school. That’s how competitive he is… That’s what I’d like to say, but I know there’s another reason for this. A reason that makes me so frustrated.

 

Anyway, that’s why Naori and I have completely different personalities and ways of thinking.

 

But we had similar tastes. Or rather, we had some overlapping tastes when we were kids.

 

We had the same favorite sweets, so we fought over the last one, and we also had the same favorite clothes, so we often argued about which one was ours. So we ended up with two of each of the same things. I think she probably didn’t like the face that she had something different from me.

 

That’s how it was, when we were little, we had the same favorite foods, and favorite toys.

 

 

And we liked the same person too.

 

 

I don’t know when Naori started to see Jun in that way, or what the trigger was. But we are twin sisters, and it didn’t take long for Naori to realize that she liked Jun. At the very least, I think it was already that way before we became middle school students.

 

As for me, as I became a junior high school student and entered puberty, I began to feel a little embarrassed and awkward about talking to Jun, but Naori continued to chat with him happily, just like she did when we were kids.

 

I was jealous of that. I was frustrated.

 

I also wanted to talk to Jun more.

 

I don’t know what the two of them were doing while I was absorbed in club activities. Jun was in the archery club, so he went there quite often, but Naori was mostly in the go-home club. Even so, I saw the two of them going home together after club activities. More than once or twice. Watching the two of them walking along happily, for some reason, I felt uncomfortable calling out to them, so I could only watch their backs from afar, and even went so far as to take a different train on purpose so they wouldn’t see me.

 

So, I-

 

Even though I know how Naori felt, I pretended not to notice. I pretended not to see it at all.

 

When I entered the second year, I was in the same class as Jun. Since we were in different classes in the first year, I didn’t think about Jun that much at school.

 

However, after we ended up in the same class and started talking to each other, I realized that I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I found myself hating the sight of him talking to other girls.

 

During breaks, I saw Naori appearing at Jun’s place many times.

 

Ah, so she had been coming to Jun’s place since the first year. I had no idea.

 

Naori was also getting along well with Jun’s friends. She was gradually creating a place for herself.

 

I was okay with being rejected. I just wanted him to be aware of me, even if it was just a little bit.

 

Before I knew it, I had started to think like this.

 

I decided to confess my feelings to Jun. No matter what the outcome would be, I wanted to put an end to my feelings and worries. Maybe I just wanted to feel better. But that was okay.

 

One night during spring break before my third year, I called Jun. I took a shower to wash off the sweat from club activities, styled my hair, put on some lightly colored lipstick, and put on some clothes that looked reasonably cool without trying too hard, then I messaged him on LINE, saying, <<I’m going to the convenience store, so come with me.>>

 

Even though I felt embarrassed and awkward, we were close enough that I could easily ask for a favor like that. We were childhood friends, and we lived next door to each other, after all.

 

I was so nervous when I sent the message. I don’t know how long my finger stayed over the send button. I remember being so scared that I sent the message without looking at the screen.

 

I was so cute and innocent back then.

 

I met up with Naori while she was in the bath. I felt bad about just leaving without saying anything, so I called out through the bathroom door.

 

“I’m going to the convenience store. Do you need anything?”

 

Naori, who knew nothing about this innocently replied, “Pudding please!”

 

That innocent voice pierced the dark, ugly lump in my heart.

 

When I left the house, Jun was standing there with a look of annoyance on his face. That kind of face suits him too. What a shame.

 

I was so nervous that I can’t even remember what we talked about or where we walked on the way to the convenience store. When should I tell him? How should I bring it up? Ah, maybe I should just go with the flow – while I was thinking about this, we arrived at the convenience store and bought two puddings and a drink.

 

On the way home, I asked Jun if we could stop by the park for the first time in a while.

 

I had missed every opportunity to confess my feelings to him, so I decided that today was the day – that I would confess in this park. It was a small park where I used to play as a kid. There was only a slide and a swing, but it was spacious enough for children to run around and it had a nice gazebo.

 

I thought that this park, full of memories, was the perfect place to confess my feelings.

 

And yet… even though I had made up my mind, as soon as I sat on the bench, I felt helpless and anxious, and I was constantly wondering how to bring it up. What if I get rejected? Actually, I was sure I would get rejected.

 

I’m not as cute as Naori.

 

Besides, Jun likes Naori.

 

Yes, the main reason why I couldn’t bring myself to say it was because Jun was in love with Naori.

 

Around the fifth grade of elementary school, Jun started asking about Naori at every opportunity. He would take to her all the time, saying things like, “How much do you study at home, Naori?” and “What kind of books are you reading now, Naori?” Every time he opened his mouth, it was all about Naori. As he continued to view Naori as a rival, he became serious about her – and before he knew it, his suspicions had turned into certainty.

 

Anyone who saw it could tell that he was just so curious about Naori that he couldn’t help it.

 

Still, I decided to tell him!

 

 

 

I don’t know how many times I motivated myself.

 

Even though I made that decision, I was so scared of what would happen if I was rejected. And so, the cycle continued.

 

Ah, strangely, I found myself thinking about how the boys who confessed their feelings to me must have felt, and I lost all sense of what was going on. I shouldn’t be thinking about such things, but they’re all amazing. They overcame things that required so much courage.

 

No. Don’t give up. You can do it. I can do it.

 

…..If I don’t say it now, I’ll regret it.

 

I can say it. Yeah, it’ll be fine. After repeating it a few times, I made up my mind.

 

I was the most nervous I’d ever been in my life.

 

No matter how cool I tried to act, I was too timid to be to be serious and felt embarrassed, so all I could do was confess in a casual way, “Would you like to go out with me?” Even this took a lot of courage. The lines I had prepared beforehand flew away into the air. I thought I was going to die. My heart was pounding so hard I was terrified that Jun would hear me.

 

Silence and stillness

 

“What’s with you all of a sudden?”

 

Those were the words that finally came out of Jun’s mouth. There was an implication in the way he said it that he was troubled by what he was being told. I wanted to say that it wasn’t something that came out of the blue.

 

I wanted to say that I’ve always loved you.

 

I couldn’t say it.

 

“I’ll be a third-year student starting April, and I want to try something like that before I go to high school. We don’t have to take any entrance exams, so it’s perfect, right? There are a few girls around me who have boyfriends, so how about just trying it out?”

 

I’m the one who says I want to go out with someone, but then blurts out “try it out”. I can’t confess my true feelings. Even though I’ve made up my mind, I always end up running away. Sigh.

 

Afraid of the silence, I kept asking questions to stop Jun from thinking too deeply.

 

“Look, if it’s Jun, we’ve known each other since we were kids so, it’s safe. We know each other really well. Aren’t I just right for you, Jun? Or do you not like me?”

 

I was so hasty that I said something that made me seem like a convenient woman.

 

It’s no use. I’m hopeless. I’m pathetic. It makes me sad to hear myself say it.

 

Of course, Jun isn’t the type of person to nod in agreement just because I said that. I know that better than anyone. But he is a kind person, so I think he understood what I wanted to say.

 

No, I don’t think so. Jun figured it out. Because he looked me straight in the face and asked me, “Do you really want to go out with me, Rumi?”

 

Because Jun said that, I was finally able to honestly say, “Yes.”

 

“Okay. Sure”

 

That was the happiest moment of my life. When I said, “Please take care of me”, I had to hold back the urge to scream. If I had been alone, I would have screamed out loud.

 

Because, because—my first love came true!

 

When I got back and told Naori about it, she congratulated me saying, “Now you have a boyfriend! Congratulations. It’s so moving. Your first love has come true.” However, deep in her wide-open eyes, she wasn’t congratulating me at all. When I saw Naori’s face like that, my heart ached, wondering how cruel I had been.

 

The feeling of guilt – and superiority – came over and over again.

 

When I returned to my room, pulled the covers over my head and looked back through the chat history with Jun, or looked at photos from my childhood and fantasized about all sorts of things, before I knew it, the guilt had disappeared.

 

I thought we were a perfect couple. It may sound strange for me to say it, but a bright girl who like sports and a top-ranking genius in the same grade are just what you’d expect. And Jun may not have noticed, but there a quite a few girls who secretly have feelings for him. Every time I heard stories like that, I felt a complex mix of emotions, like happiness and frustration. I wanted to go around telling everyone that I was the one who found him first.

 

But there’s no need to say that anymore.

 

Because Jun is my boyfriend.

 

We’re boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

The sweet sound of it made me ecstatic.

 

I forgot about Naori and was so excited I even laughed at myself – at first.

 

My own Jun.

 

The embarrassed face he doesn’t show to Naori.

 

The gentle, sighing voice that whispers in my ear.

 

The slender fingers that support my head when we kiss.

 

At times like those, I was the only one inside Jun. There was no trace of Naori.

 

So before I knew it, I had forgotten Naori’s sad face. Or rather, I was trying to forget.

 

At first, I was careful not to talk about Jun in front of Naori, but soon enough, I wanted to tell someone about the dates we went on together as soon as possible, and before I knew it, I was reporting it to her. I made excuses to myself, saying that there was no point in being reserved now.

 

She treated me like she always did, but now that I think about it, I was the worst.

 

In order to ease my guilt, I started justifying myself – what I’d done – by saying that it was Naori’s fault for not speaking up, that she would be taken advantage of because of her hesitancy.

 

Seriously the worst.

 

I’m a bad sister. I’m a nasty sister. I’m a spiteful sister.

 

 

That’s why.

 

Because I’m such a mean sister.

 

I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with Jun. We broke up after exactly one year.

 

As so, I forced Jun onto Naori.

 

To hide my ugliness. To atone for my sins.

 

My first love once shone faintly, but now it’s muddy and messy, and no matter how much I polish it, it no longer shines. It’s still rolling around in the stagnant pond deep inside my heart.

 

Translator’s note

 

Hey there. Since this series got an anime, I’m sure now would be the perfect time for the light novel to be translated again. As you can tell, the previous links don’t work. And, as a wise man once said, “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

It’s my first time translating a series, and it’s MTL so it’s not gonna be perfect of course. But hey, its better than nothing. Not sure how fast I can get these chapters out as I am a college student………. I know, a lot of translators just so happen to be college students. Got a few more months left till graduation tho.

Till next time

-Kingant44

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